Why Most Guys Will Get Engagement Rings Wrong
And how to get it right
When it comes to engagement rings, it’s not so much the girls struggle as it is the guys. This is because a girl is thinking about her ring before she knows who the guy is. In the society we’ve created, the princess fairy tale dream wedding is instilled in women from a young age through Disney movies, family conversations and what’s modeled in society. For most women, the thought of an engagement ring isn’t foreign, because the messaging received (consciously or subconsciously) since early childhood.
For the guys, it’s different. When it comes time to think about a ring, it’s easy to fall victim to outdated rules (ie, you have to spend three months of salary on an engagement ring), false ideologies (like the amount you spend on a ring matters more than suiting her style) and societal pressure (when are you going to put a ring on it?)
The problem is, how the ring is created can get carried away. So people go into debt.
“I’ve been in this business literally my whole life, and most guys will get it wrong,” bridal expert John Profit said. “We tell every guy whose buying a ring on his own whim he’s taking a risk.”
The problem most guys are making when it comes to buying a ring, is they didn’t go through the process of finding what ring she really loves before. So they’re stuck in a guessing game. The issue here is if a girl decides she doesn’t like what he got her, the problem is you’re going to hurt his feelings. To avoid this, he likes people to shop together before.
“If you start educating the couple before, then it takes away the stress of how,” Profit said.
Three Ways Guys Get Engagement Rings Wrong and How To Get It Right:
THE GIRL STRESSES ABOUT HIM GETTING IT WRONG
The stress of him getting it wrong is big to a girl. If she hasn’t gone through the process of finding out what she really wants, she could waste tons of energy worrying about him getting it right—and not wanting to hurt his feelings if he doesn’t.
GET IT RIGHT: Having the conversation about what you would like ahead of time eliminates this stress. All it’s doing is starting a conversation that creates a path when the time is right. It will alleviate the standard pressures the couple feels, and help the woman get clear on what she actually wants, vs. societal messaging thrown at her about what ring she “should” have. It will also eliminate over-spending out of fear of getting it wrong.
It’s not a ring. It’s THE ring.
It’s still romance.
2. HE SPENDS MORE THAN HE NEEDS TO
Most guys will spend more than they need to out of fear of getting it wrong. They’ll spend more money on the size of the rock, or style of band out of confusion and fear, instead of spending time figuring out what she really wants ahead of time. This could lead him to spend over budget or go into debt out of pure confusion.
GET IT RIGHT: By going through the process of finding out what she loves, this fear subsides. There are no rules about how much someone should spend. Forget the whole “three months salary” idea. Instead, have the conversation about how much you should spend. Go into a store and have her try rings on to see if she likes the way it looks on her hand. All this is doing is starting a conversation that will create a path when it’s the right time. It will alleviate all the standard pressures that the couple feels.
3. HE’S TRYING TO BE A SHOPPER, NOT A BUYER
Most guys are buyers, not shoppers. If a girl does everything to the point of finding out what she loves—we call it the wish list—where she comes in and we take notes, all the pressures been taken off him. He can be the buyer. Let her be the shopper.
GET IT RIGHT: He knows when he gives the ring Cindy’s picked the ring out, if Cindy doesn’t like it it’s on Cindy. The majority of guys like that. Cindy likes it too because she’s gone through the process of getting clear & confident on what she really wants.
WHY THIS WORKS FOR WOMEN TOO
Most women like this too because they’ve gone through the process of getting out from behind a screen, trying different rings on their hand and seeing what they love. She’s decided for herself and has seen how the ring looks on her hand, so she knows what she loves.
HOW TO GET IT RIGHT: SHOW UP FOR THE PROCESS
You have to show up for the process. Have the conversation before about what she likes, how much to spend, try things on, talk about it.
The truth is the girl can go through the process without the guy if she wants.